Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
