his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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