can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Someone shit on the floor
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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