I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
