then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
