so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
