it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
