I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
