i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
