my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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