Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize