yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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