party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize