Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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