So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
