So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
