I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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