u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
