I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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