She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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