I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
