Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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