Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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