my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can I color on your dick again?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's shark week go big or go home
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
