i jhust puked up my retainher.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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