She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
