Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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