Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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