I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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