you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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