i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
