all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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