His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
