help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
