38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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