I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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