Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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