yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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