I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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