Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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