Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
