rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is the high leading the old right now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
