Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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