I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
