Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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