Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i came on her dog
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
