Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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