If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize