I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
