i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize