i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
