i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
