i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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