My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
