I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
