Need sex. Gaining weight.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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