found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
