i would punch a child for taco bell
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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