If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is my gift to your gina
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
