Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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