So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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