his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
